He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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