My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do vagina's smell?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
