I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
