I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize