All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
