We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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