so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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