It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
