i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
