then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
