he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
