so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
