guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize