I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize