I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
