i would one night stand the shit outta him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
