you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
