I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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