i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
