I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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