"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
