i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
