i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
