Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
