Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
worst night to have a conscience
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
