even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
