peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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