Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm at about main and main street
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
