I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize