Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
