I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
