Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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