am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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