And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize