That's intense
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
