if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
