Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
