Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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