A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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