You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize