I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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