Umm I'm too high to move.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize