We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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