I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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