When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
