he puts the penis in happiness.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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