I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's blow job season.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
