if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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