Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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