Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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