I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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