We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
