You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
