super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to make out with him forever
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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