you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we're making bets on your personal life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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