I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
