Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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