A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
