just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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