Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
