Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
