How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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