I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
