Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
