I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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