Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
