Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
