The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
