I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
