i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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