Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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