she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are we still banned from the library?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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