I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
