Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
