i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he puts the penis in happiness.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
