he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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